Author: Hanna Twiss-Brooks

This year was the year that my partner began her pursuit of a diagnosis. In the five years that we have lived together, we have worked to overcome executive function impairments that we both face. Executive functions are a group of mental processes, including inhibition, working memory, and cognitive flexibility [1]. They help people plan, organize, and manage their time, all which are critical aspects of living and working.

Impairment of executive functions, sometimes also referred to as executive dysfunction, can affect every part of daily life, from remembering where you put your keys last, to being able to go with the flow of changes at work, and actually folding and putting away your laundry before you need to do laundry again. Executive dysfunction is one of the many symptoms of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). One of the common myths about executive function and ADHD is that “executive function impairments of ADHD are usually outgrown when the person reaches their late teens or early twenties” [2, p.4].

This is not the first time my partner has started the process of obtaining her ADHD diagnosis. One of the first steps in the process is completing a self-assessment, the paper for which she promptly lost. Misplacing or losing items is another symptom of ADHD [3]. However, this year she decided to pursue diagnosis again after learning that two of her four siblings have also been diagnosed with ADHD, which has a genetic component [4].

The diagnosis process took several months, between work schedules and booked out specialists. In those months we continued to work on ways that we can adapt and support each other through the process. I want to share a few of the tools in our toolkit for living and thriving in a household where everyone has executive function impairments:

Use the Buddy System: We both struggle with completing tasks that seem mentally or emotionally taxing. For me, that’s phone calls. For my partner, it’s writing emails to doctors and other specialists. Sometimes you need a buddy to give you a gentle reminder. Sometimes you just need moral support to do something that is hard for you.
Time Limits for Long Tasks: Big, complicated tasks that may take a long time are daunting to start. It can help to break it up into chunks. For example, work for 20 minutes and take a break for 10 minutes before going back to work. Or 45 minutes working and 15 minutes break. Be understanding with yourself and those around you—if anyone gets tired or cranky, you can stop, and come back to the task later.
Reminders and Buffers: Time blindness—trouble with awareness of time and time passing—is often worse for those with ADHD than others [5]. Setting calendar reminders on your phone can help you remember events and appointments. Building in a buffer of 15 minutes can help you actually leave on time. My partner and I both take longer than we think to get ready, so we agree to leave 15-30 minutes before we actually need to leave, which gives us a buffer to leave on time.
Kindness: Lastly, genuine understanding and forgiveness go a long way. No one is perfect, we will all mess up. Those with executive function impairments may mess up more than most. Acknowledge that it happened, forgive the person that messed up (especially if that person is you—we are often our own harshest critics), and move on.

Even with a diagnosis in hand, we will keep using these tools, and look for new ones in the future. I sincerely hope that these tools help you and your loved ones navigate life a little more smoothly.

Sources:

1. https://www.healthline.com/health/executive-dysfunction#1

2. A New Understanding of ADHD in Children and Adults: Executive Function Impairments by

Thomas E Brown -- https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=AeIdAAAAQBAJ&gl=us

3. https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/childhood-adhd/add-vs-adhd

4. https://www.additudemag.com/is-adhd-hereditary-yes-and-no/

5. https://www.thecut.com/2020/04/coronavirus-self-isolation-time-blindness.html